On Relationships Abroad

"I don't understand why it hurts so much."
"It hurts because it mattered."
-John Green

The thing about relationships is that they're fluid. They never stay in the honeymoon, "everything about this person is perfect" phase for long. What makes them work is that you accept that there will be peaks and valleys; you brace yourself for the valleys and celebrate the peaks. I would be kidding myself if I said that I thought studying abroad would be a peak in terms of the relationship I left behind. I knew the distance would be a problem; the lack of instantaneous communication via cell phone, the lack of face-to-face interaction for 101 days would be difficult.

I didn't think it would be impossible.

Unfortunately, this particular relationship did not pass the test. And I would also be kidding myself if I said I wasn't completely devastated in this moment. As Rainn Wilson so eloquently put it "there is a grieving process. It is the death of something; the death of a relationship." It wasn't flippant; it was real, and to treat it as anything other would be an injustice to the time that we had.

It's easy to say "now you can find a nice Irish boy here!" Right now that just sounds like another instance of heartbreak when December 15th rolls around and I have to break it off. Maybe I'm just being a pessimist, stuck in the gloom of right now. And who knows, maybe I will happen upon someone special here. But I won't go looking for someone to fill the void that exists right now. That's not fair to myself or the other person.

This has made me evaluate not only this relationship, but every relationship I have. People that matter have kept in contact, have stayed around, knowing that the fact that I'm across the Atlantic Ocean is only temporary. Because location is temporary. Relationships are supposed to last longer than, and in spite of, the miles that separate them. Those that, in the grand scheme of life, realize that, are the ones that make an indelible mark on your life. People who give up are merely scars.